How often have you gone into a situation and you just can’t seem to get the other person on the same page? How about, you know exactly what needs to be done and when you try and explain it to someone to get their help they simply don’t seem to get it? What about when you are at work and you know what needs to be done to get to the next level or avoid an issue but nobody understands or claims you are over bearing or a worry wart? Then there is this one, you are teaching your child how to ride a bike and they start to get really nervous or freeze and you just cant seem to get through to let them know you will be there and they are safe? Ever felt like you are ‘pushing shit up hill’ then there is high probably you weren’t paced with the person or situation.
People come at things from different angles and at a different speed or priority. If you are wanting to connect with them and have a chance that they see what you see, you may want to try pacing with them first. Have you had a time when you hit a stride and things happened easily and you really got momentum on a project? What probably took place was you came in a the same pace as other person or team, without even realising it and got immediate connection and momentum.
Pacing is an important step to helping you understand someone else’s version of the world, or map of the territory, and once you can understand their version it can allow you to move them towards a decision or getting them on board with a project. That’s when you can lead.
There are a number of ways to pace with someone and that comes from mirroring their behaviour, for example body language, speed of speech, breathing, body movement, even the same length of stride as theirs if you are walking. Pacing is a known and well used technique in Neuro Linguistic Programming, NLP, and is used to help people bring about incredible transformations. When you pace someone you will feel a connection, so will they, most likely subconsciously for them, and that’s where you and that person can get on the same page to then entertain a new idea or making decisions together moving the idea forward. Investing time and patience in pacing will make life that bit easier, more productive, less stressful and people will feel that you get them and they want to get on board or help out. It’s a great way to manage your energy.
A lot of these techniques are taught in business, especially sales and management courses and they make a massive difference when implemented and mastered. What I might suggest is that you bring some of these invaluable insights to your home. I find it interesting that what we do at work that gets incredible results is not always done with the same focus at home. Are we too tired? Are we not focussed on goals and moving our selves and our families forward with the same rigour? That’s a whole other post.
Pacing with life partners and business partners or colleagues is an important step to understanding their worlds and what might be the gap in visions, yours and theirs. Knowing the gap is a good starting point to then have conversations. Try using pacing techniques, to see what is possible. It’s incredibly powerful, empowering and smart use of your energy.
Stuart Keith
Dad's My Hero 